Amen, I'm alive.. I'm alive, singin' amen, I'm alive...
If everyone cared, and nobody cried - if everyone loved and nobody lied. If everyone shared and swallowed their pride, then we'd see the day when nobody died.

I dreamt of Angel last night. This is the second time in the nearly six months that she's been gone. I can't believe it's been nearly half a year. This time, her spirit (or what I think was her spirit but was actually quite solid and present, no ghostlike aparition) was residing in her stall (which is now occupied by sheep as I can't stand to have any other horses in there), and wouldn't leave. It was heartwrenching because I knew that she could not stay - she was not ready to cross over but she could not stay. I led her out of her stall and let her graze on the front lawn and I could remember exactly how her slick coat felt under my hands. I am sure that I cried in my sleep, because my eyes felt full of sand and I had dried tears in the corners of my eyes when I woke up. Mom also told me that she could not get Angel off her mind last night before she went to bed - we did not consult about that last night, in fact my last thought before I went to bed was not of Angel, but of Seamus (who I dreamt about later in the dream), so I find it strange that Angel "came" to both of us last night. I am almost desperate enough to have the dream translated - to actually pay someone to translate it for me.

Needless to say, I am not comfortable this morning. I feel very off kilter.

Dad roused me out of bed about a half hour early telling me that our one mare that is due this year, probably not until the end of March is waxed and basically ready - 'all systems are go' - to foal, which would not be good if she is not, indeed due until the end of March. We lost our records, or maybe they never existed - and so no one is sure WHEN she is actually SUPPOSED to foal. This has us on edge. I got out of bed and cleaned and bedded down a stall for her to stay in while we're at work. I cleaned Rex's stall for her, and was very pensive. When I was done, I went outside and found Ari. She seems to know when I need her, and she came over and put her mouth against my neck and blew warm air out of her nostrils on my windburnt cheeks while I cried a little bit. I hate feeling like this, but I love knowing I have a comfort. She tried to follow me back into the barn, but I assured her I would be okay and headed to work.

I am ultimately in a better mood, as I always seem to be when I go to the barn before work.